6:09 PM

AlterNet: LOTR Dating Manual:

Now, I’m not one of those aficionados who knows every intricacy of Tolkien or has memorized every book, grocery list and letter to Santa he ever wrote. I’m just an average moviegoer, but I know a metaphor when I see one, or make one up. LOTR may be disguised as a sexless geek-boy epic, but this trilogy is more riddled with dating tips than an issue of Seventeen magazine:

• When you’re trying to catch the cute guy’s eye is the exact moment the dwarf will pick to approach you;
• Eating raw fish is no longer a sign of a sophisticated date. (That said, you have to admit the Atkins plan is working for Gollum.)
• if you’re the only girl among 100 guys you’ll still fall for the only one who has a girlfriend;
• When overused, terms of endearment such as “precious” lose their meaning;
• All couples fight, but battles shouldn’t last so long that one of you has to get up and stretch your legs or use the bathroom;
• It doesn’t matter if you look like Liv Tyler; your pining and whining will still get on people’s nerves;
• Don’t blame your friends just because they can see right through your creepy little partner;
• If you can get along on a road trip, the relationship will probably last;
• There will come a point when it seems like the relationship should be over. Don’t drag it out. Just end it there.

And finally, the mother of all dating wisdom:

• Some people will go to any lengths to get a ring; others, having had one for awhile, will go to any lengths to chuck it into a volcano.